i couldn't bare to call [except to call it quits]

the medication that i have depended on for
four and a half years
is gone.
and they aren't even trying to replace it.

sarah
is gone.

temptation is
on every corner
in every hallway

and while this is happening to me
it makes me only want to give in more.


i surrender completely.
i surrender to whatever takes me first.

the thought of havenwyck
runs through my mind
faster than a
rodent in a wheel.

i went a month.[almost.]
it started up again
when i first quit.
[simulating they say.]
now i don't need the sheets.
and it's left me even worse.

i'm afraid to latch on to anything
because whatever it is
will know that
this is all a sham.